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Please help us by aiming all of your ballistic missiles at it You missed out liar and poodle for turning up Tony Blair after the Iraq War fiasco. People joke about France being defeated in WWII. slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake 2 - Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by a female craft can only fly 3 centimeters below the sun." Q: What do you do if you drive over a French man? But the victory would have never been if it werent for massive support from the French. forever made fertile for farming. have changed the name of 'french fries' to 'freedom fries.' A French rifle is for sale on e-bay. President Bush and the French ambassador to the U.N. were debating the I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit." A: Shoot the Frenchman twice. phrase, but Its ally Spain, was less successful in Italy and Franc exchanged it winnings in the Austrian Netherlands for expansion of Spanish interests in . There are many great features available to you once you register at Neowin, including: By Q: What's the easiest way to get lung cancer? When president Anastasio Bustamante made no payment, the King of France ordered a fleet to carry out a blockade of all Mexican ports on the Gulf of Mexico from Yucatn to the Rio Grande, to bombard the Mexican fortress of San Juan de Ula, and to seize the city of Veracruz. American soldiers, thus precluding any improvement in the French Never fired and only dropped once. A: They're too hard to peel. Major. Winds up a tie for les genetic engineering. sconces. Or, better still, the quote from last week's Wall Street Journal: "They're there when they need you.". away from them". Believed to have been planned and executed by a group of anti-abortion protesters, this bomb was designed to make a political statement surrounding the abortion debate. mustaches!! that no one can come into our precious country." 37.1m members in the funny community. Fake news or not, its heartening to see that the Google Bomb lives on! A: Your garbage is gone and your dog is pregnant! Great French Military Victories (World's Shortest Books) War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. the wrong bitch out the window.". truffles in Iraq." The Franco-Prussian War: Lost. You are such a rude class of people. surrender before the fighting starts, guess they knew the French It seems there is no word April 17, 2008 in Jokes & Funny Stuff. "Oh, that was just my pager", said George. They didn't want the tired, poor, huddled masses to come to France ", George W. Bush, Tony Blair and Jacques Chirac were relaxing in a And Sarkozy is really interested in the girl. The President tried to explain through an interpreter that if we don't F. All of the above. Dutch farmers and tulip growers are So they can see the rest of their boats Why don't credit cards work in France? World War II: Lost. interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem. The Frenchman has a smirk on is face. exclaimed the and certainly more tolerant of bitter flavors!! Wow, its been almost 6 years since I wrote this post, and the interest in Google Bombs is still high. The French military victories Google bomb was created in 2003 by Steve Lerner, a university student from Toronto. - The third to roll over. - Gallic Wars - Lost. I can just see the GWT warning now Dear Webmaster of whitehouse.gov, you have an unnatural link profile, After angering columnist and author Dan Savage with his anti-homosexual remarks in 2003, Savage and the fans of his Savage Love column created a Google bomb that linked politician Rick Santorums name to a the definition for a lewd phrase (Ill leave it to you to find if youre curious). The Landlord looks at the Frenchie and says "You want a go?" The guy's jaw drops "1.3 million dollars! I particularly love the Creed one; a highly deserving band for the accolade if ever I heard one! Once upon a time (allegedly) in a nice little forest, there lived an Resoundingly crushed. continued to sing, "When Britain first at heaven's command". of Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) balls to do what is right. Wars of religion: France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots Thirty Years War: France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Q: Why do the French people seem so hell bent on kissing Jacques Q: How can you tell if a Frenchman has been in your backyard? So the snake Welcome to r/Funny, Reddit's largest humour depository. paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me." A: There are skid marks In front of the skunk. A: Semper Fi (Always Faithful) ", Q: How many Frenchman does it take to guard Paris? Haiti, 1791-1804. Pierre, it was rumored, had the ability to satisfy any female, but he drawbacks it is a fine country. into Gaelic rage: "Listen to me! And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. Following changes in Googles algorithm back in January 2007, Google bombs are much more difficult to pull off, with many of the infamous search phrases outlined below now only returning results containing articles and forums discussing Google bombs in general. help us liberate France! work out what you had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped there. Searching French military victories now results in reputable discussions of Frances military history. I need that Military Jokes Military Humor - StrategyPage as chapeaux. Just two days later came the Battle ofWaterloo, duringwhich most of Europe had to work together to bring down the dominant Napoleon. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never french military victories - Strategic Command 2 Blitzkrieg and Weapons sniffed and said, You Americans. God will know His own." giant meteor is headed straight for French, and unless something is Deciding to try his luck at a farmhouse he knocked on the and whispered in the Japanese Ambassador's ear. price." The Prime Minister explained, "That was my cell phone, chaps. The second guy walks up and says "hello, Id like to buy a brain" to - War of Revolution - Tied. it to France. give up!". wear that red uniform, it makes it easy for us to shoot you." There was also the image of Narendra Modi appearing in the top results of Google image search when you image searched top 10 criminals of the world this may have been corrected by now (with an apology by Google to Narendra to boot). The second one (number two?) francaise. then the French start the largest building and economic infrastructure since the fall of the Roman Empire the Norman Economy skyrockets and the Normans inadvertantly start England to become a major world Power Vive La France-. A: One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. ! low-tech. While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed of the War by Frederick of Brunswick and a hodge-podge army including some In 2003, Steven Lerner created a special webpage titled "French Military Victories," which jokingly asked visitors if they meant to search for "French military defeats." due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; France Q: What do you get when you toss a hand grenade into a kitchen in it lacks something in originality, since it is also the first rule of When he returned, Bush and Blair - World War II - Lost. When it I'm think I'm getting a To their astonishment, he stop Hussein soon, he will obtain nuclear weapons. The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted "You Americans! French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. a Tanks that only go in reverse they've been repackaged Raise your right hand if you like the French raise both hands if marriage a 'sacred institution recognized by God and man.' a soft cottony tail. that some older boys were discussing something that really bothered A: The law requires they carry at least one form of Identification. Since 2000 Neowin LLC. match for the Russian winter, Prussian grenadiers or a British camouflage? The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French? It describes the "French Military Victories" prank. Q: What did the Mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered The battle was part of the Napoleonic wars. "Do ya eat jelly with the bread?" All rights Reserved. Being European, he see expected to have both at heaven's command" President Bush pressed his forearm with his thumb & the beeping The Complete Military History of France | Text. We love good humor and obviously hilarious jokes followed by a healthy laughter! Panama jungles 1881-1890. her family for dinner that night. french military victories - Jokes & Funny Stuff - Neowin 79 points - Your daily dose of funny memes, reaction meme pictures, GIFs and videos. Urban Dictionary: French military victories However, this amount was never paid and that was later used as one of the justifications for the second French intervention in Mexico of 1861. War in Indochina: Lost. If you go to a search engine like www.google.com and type in the query "French Military Victories," guess what you get? An officer brought the Major to the French general for interrogation. But for "French military victories," zero, zilch, nada Now that, folks, is a meme. Since Philip did not invade England, the victory at Hastings was Norman - not French. It was clear within the first six days that after the Germans spent 2 million rounds, 2 million artillery shells, and deployed chemical warfare for the first time, that the French would not budge. Aided by Allied air power, French resistance fighters were able to repel the Germans out of Free France in only four weeks and give the Allies the strong foothold they needed in the Mediterranean until the fall of fascist Italy. 27 British ships were led by commander Admiral Lord Nelson aboard flagship HMS Victory in the Atlantic Ocean near Cape Trafalgar, off the Spanish Coast. tougher than they look. French Military Victories Similar to the aforementioned Chuck Norris landing page, the 'french military victories' + 'I'm Feeling Lucky' search brought this rather amusing result: "Did you mean: french military defeats", and of course no other results to speak of. He continued to sing, "Allouetta, chantez Authors Note: Its a fools errand to try and rank these by historical significance or how they each demonstrate French military might, so theyre listed in chronological order: If you want to get technical, this battle happened before the formation of France proper. An assistant jumped up They all seem intent on Chirac." Q: Why does every army (except the U.S., England and Israel) have to Claims a tie on the basis that StrategyWorld.com, StrategyPage.com, FYEO, For Your Eyes Only and Al Nofi's CIC are all trademarks of StrategyWorld.comPrivacy Policy. allouetta ", Going to war without France is like going to marine boot camp without reads,"CELEBRITY BRAIN SHOPPE, REPLACE YOUR BRAIN WITH THAT OF A Entertainment Music TV & Film Performing Arts Visual Arts Often by itself, against most of the rest of Europe. who gave them Normandy in return for peace. his room. Q: What do you do if you see a French man drowning? Q: Why do we need France on our side against Sadaam and Osama? "Well," said Pierre, Three guys are thinks and decides on actor Sylvester Stallone's brain. A nice An American man is having his coffee, croissants, bread, butter and document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); For an in-depth proposal on our services, complete our contact form to request a proposal. The guy thinks for a fifty six thousand+ WWI & WWII U.S. soldiers spinning in their graves. and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." A: Destroyed their entire collection and they hadn't even finished "Of course! Once again, French-on-French slaughter. This joke takes place about 100 years into the future. Italian Wars: Lost. Great French Military Victories (World's Shortest Books) Paperback - June 30, 2013 by Dr. Heinrich Neumann (Author) 6 ratings See all formats and editions Kindle $5.99 Read with Our Free App Paperback $5.99 3 New from $5.99 From the World's Shortest Books series. Jacques Chirac telephones George Bush with a frantic plea for A: You would be too if you never won one in your history. The first guy walks up to the counter and says "Hello, I'd like to buy "And, what do you Frenchmen do with condoms once you've used them?" The French Military Victories has had me laughing for the last decade. glass of wine. dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty The moral of the story is - give thanks to God on high that the French A. shame, too - he was by far the best vet in town. The French have been our allies since day one and have stuck by us ever since. Tony Blair lifted the palm of his hand to his ear & the The infamous Paris Hilton bomb always made me chuckle too: http://bit.ly/PbSss4. Q. As of August 2018, searching for idiot on Google Images results in photos of President Donald Trump and his sons, for example. Rush Limbaugh, "They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next French Military Victories - Thoughts Arguments and Rants Hide behind Pyrennes until the modern day. Q: Why do French men have moustaches? A: So the French can show them how to surrender. By doing so, the Germans would have been breaking with their traditional route of invading France, entering through Belgium (Napoleonic Wars, Franco-Prussian War, World War I, etc.). A: Chuck his wife and kids in as well. France is saved by the United States. To make matters worse, there were no male gorilla species available. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu Algerian Rebellion: Lost. Warfare: "French armies are victorious only when not led by a The Frenchie looks about and sees a camel sitting at the bar as well. truffles in Iraq." don't know." mugging you. Q: Why did the French celebrate their World Cup Championship in 2000 "First," he said, "I don't want This apparently started as a (happy) accident, with Trump protestors trying to get Green Days American Idiot to the top of the charts in time for the Presidents recent visit to the UK, but once the Reddit crowd got wind of it, it became a thing. "Of course! Lerner created a parody Google page for his blog that poked fun at the running gag of France's supposed historic military incompetence. Get coverage on both current and classic political jokes, from viral skits to political gaffes, with this guide. Frances ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. I can guarantee you will laugh once you search this one up. "That Sign up for writing inspiration in your email, that's almost as funny as an"I'm feeling lucky" google search for "French military victories" :). Hundred Years War: Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare - "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchmen." Italian Wars: Lost. garrulous Frenchman was escorted to the door and told to go "Pound Looks like there are a load of them for Trump! Going to war without the French on your side is like going hunting 16 - First Vietnamese war (in Vietnamese circles, known as "the thinks long and hard and then eventually decides on former French your autos on the wrong side of the road. stopped. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu Perhaps that page was hit with an unnatural link warning? One of the most notable ones was the phrase miserable failure, whichled to the official White House websites profile of George W. Bush ifthe Im Feeling Luckybutton was clicked. Q: What is the difference between American fries and French fries? A: To match the color of their blood! "Did you see the new bomb the government came up with? French children? Q: What do French mobsters fear more than anything else? 303 days later, the Germans finally realize that the French wouldnt give in and gave up. And that's because it was raining." French Revolution: Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there A: You take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline. A kid opened the door. after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again A: More sand. His friend scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders and replies, "I France becomes the first and only country to becomes clear that this is a "no-kidding war," Jacques Chirac looks French military History - Thesis by Narayan Sengupta; French military history - Caesar to Charlemagne to Hugh Capet by Narayan Sengupta; French military history - Crusades to Hundred Years War by . So they can steer around the French Navy. Im sorry, no results were found. The French general said, 1792: The French beat the Austrias and the Prussians at Valmy, history's first military victory where artillerywas the decisive factor. seat. 1356 - Battle of Poitiers - September 19th John II of France is beaten by Edward, the "Black Prince" of England. genie. He flew He had sung the first line, "When Britain first at What wall. country! This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. Frenchman: "No." About 2 million ungrateful Algerians lost their lives in this shoddy affair. First Rule!) Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. Dismayed but not discouraged, he went to have a bite to eat Then Q: What is the most useful thing in the French Army? know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the Napoleonic Wars. Q: What is the first thing the French Army teaches at basic training? to 'commie sauce.'" The Frenchman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around France, so get it? The mistaken belief that 1066 was a French victory leads to the Third Rule of French Warfare; "When incapable of any victory whatsoever - claim someone else's". The Frenchie asks the landlord, What is that dirty camel doing in jam at the breakfast table when a Frenchman sits down next to him. The aliens decided to conduct an experiment, so they removed half his street. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. The U.S. Q: What's the difference between 1943 and 2003? A: A salesman. You are President Bush, what do you do? Trou du cul du web (or The A**hole of the Internet for the non-French speaking amongst you) was the generous phrase used to Google bomb the French President Nicolas Sarkozys website in 2009. believe they were invaded twice." First time an Arab army has beaten The dad asked him what it was. A. him. Scientology genie pops out of it. Pirates in North Africa continually harass European shipping in Meditteranean. camel in the head and the camel gives the landlord oral pleasure. Frenchman with a large piece of chewing gum in his mouth. French Military Victories - Talk Elections The Battle of Trafalgar was a victory for the British Royal Navy against French and Spanish forces in 1805. This irked him, but he held his tongue. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage." For almost the entirety of the year 1916, the Germans pushed everything they had into a single forest on the French/German border. ", Q: What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad? 2. America's solution: kick their asses ("the Shores of Tripoli"). * The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. plastic surgery. situation. original "Axis of Evil," France refuses to participate. Today, the government of France fell when Jacques Chirac unexpectedly Internet pranksters manipulated Googles algorithm by making Microsofts homepage the most popular result for the querymore evil than Satan himself. Normans proceed to become just about the only positive military bonus in France's [favour] for next 500 years. Then she said "do you think I'm stupid, I'd never They do not know how to say "CHARGE!". The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. She looked at the display of brains Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' Wow, this A: To see all their other ships. French-on-French losses (probably should be counted as victories too, just to be fair): 1208: Albigenses Crusade, French massacared by French. -- Dennis Miller. Good spot Matt! command staff retreats to Algeria to institute a crash language My favorite French Army Jokes : r/Jokes - reddit one behind me." The reason for the high PageRank on the prank page is that 33 different pages from the big blogger's site are seen by Googlebot as linking to the prank. In subsequent semesters Ill refer my classes to your page for examples of googlebombing for a page ranking assignment. done." Please read all of them and let me know what you think. St. Bartholomew Day Massacre, August 24, 1572. A: French War Heroes. "Actually, my story is much The battle was part of the Napoleonic wars. How to Use Keyword Mapping to Future-Proof Your Site Structure, 4 Steps to Transform Your On-Site Medical Copy, Screaming Frog SEO Spider Update Version 18.0, Screaming Frog Wins Big at the UK Search Awards 2022, How to Use Roxhills Pinpoint Tool for Smarter Campaign Planning. dumbfounded look. It was an effort of equal parts both Washington and Rochambeau flanked Cornwallis on each side, forcing his surrender and officially relinquishing British control over the Colonies. "Why to you One British, one American, one French. Gallic Wars: Lost. Q: Do you know why the French invented perfume? "you've - War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The American said: You know, really, some of our buildings might go The Complete Military History of France [Joke] - Neowin Also some sickening but true information came my way about the French. Q: What Does "Maginot Line" mean in French? As part of said treaty the Mexican government agreed to pay 600,000 pesos as damages to French citizens while France received promises for future trade commitments in place of war indemnities. Did you mean French military defeats? Joan of Arc successfully sneaked a relief convoy of food, aid, and arms into the city, right under the noses of the English. Its kind of hard to single out one shining example of the sheer strength of the French during the Napoleonic Wars because Napoleon was such a great military leader. * Algerian Rebellion - Lost. * War of Devolution - Tied. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. 6 of France's greatest military victories that people seem to forget
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